Stoya recently posted something about personas and being fake/real and pseudonyms and such which struck a chord with me. A chord that screamed, "FUCK YES! EXACTLY!" But, I have a propensity to find excuses to scream the word fuck regularly. Her point was that she is always who she is whether she's going by her stage name or going by the name on her birth certificate.
I love that woman dearly. Seriously, go read some of her posts and tell me you don't find her adorable and intelligent and awesome. I'll wait.
Done? Okay. Here's what I have to say on the subject, and it doesn't differ much from what Stoya had to say, but I have to tailor it to me because my situation is rather different from hers, even though we have some similar interests and similar facets to our lives.
For one, I'm a wife and mother first. That puts me in a certain box instantly with most people. Except I don't fit in that box. I don't fit in most boxes actually. I'm six feet tall. But seriously, people expect you to act and behave in a certain way when you're a mom in the suburbs. It's not generally acceptable in these sorts of circles to post nude photos of yourself online. So I have a name for that and I have a circle of friends for that.
Another thing that's kind of weird is costuming. I love making and wearing costumes from movies and comic books and literature and cartoons and anything that strikes my fancy really. But that's the sort of thing that gets you labeled as "geek" and "nerd" and "weirdo" and "obsessed". Not something I really want to share with the general, judgmental public. Aside from that, I'm trying to make a business with that. Or at least with the replica accessories sort of thing. Not so much complete costumes for sale. So, I have a business name and a nickname I'm generally known by in the costuming community for that.
I also like to write. I like to write about myself and I like to write about other people and I like to be extraordinarily candid about it. I feel like my writing is the ultimate honesty and it helps me to build my reality and sort things out that would just float around in my head otherwise. And I hope to one day be published. And again, I'd like to be able to control what seeps into my suburban housewife life and what doesn't. And so I have a name for that, too.
And there's yet one more facet which requires yet one more name, though this is more a business name and I do actually put my real name on my business. This was my first business. The first place where I found I could express my creativity in a practical way. And that's my jewelry business. And it's attached to my real name because I don't mind the whole world knowing that it's me who makes the jewelry.
But it's also me who makes the amateur porn. And it's me who makes armor from pvc sheet and painstakingly applies latex elf ears. And it's me who writes about my first lesbian experience with a girl in high school and about the highly personal topic of grief and all my philosophical ramblings. And it's me who shows up to mom's group playdates and makes small talk with women with whom I have nothing in common except the fact that we gave birth to little human beings. I never stop being me, no matter what name you know me by or what industry you've met me in or what context I'm functioning in at that moment in time. I'm always being me. There's no persona I put on and take off depending on what name I'm going by that day.
And just because I'm withholding a certain part of me from you doesn't mean I'm being fake. You wouldn't go to your grandmother's house on the holidays and go on and on about the mind-blowing sex you had with your husband or whomever else last night, would you? Likewise, you probably wouldn't go on and on about life philosophy to a client who just wants to buy some jewelry. I'm not being fake, I'm just giving you what you're looking for. If you want the whole package, you can find that. But most people really don't want everything about someone as widely varied as me. They could care less about how inaccurate my Princess Leia costume is or how many hours it took me to do my latest wire wrapping project. They might be highly interested in my life philosophy but would rather not see me naked. It's a common courtesy I provide by separating it all out.
My audiences are as varied as my interests and I'm not about to bore one to appease another. So, I give many different options to follow along to what has become the whole narrative of my life. You can pick and choose the ones which interest you the most. But don't ever, EVER accuse me of being fake or not giving the whole truth. Because I can't be bothered if you're not following the whole picture.
I am me. I am always me. Never forget that.
